First things first...

So, for anyone in a similar situation to mine (gearing up for self improvement via the 8 fold path).  Here is my advice.  Begin by setting your stuff in order.  By that, I mean your things...  be it your home, office, vehicle... any place that you spend time regularly, put it in order (a place for everything and everything in it's place).  Doing so will give you one less distraction in the hunt for mindfulness.  This is especially important wherever you meditate...  cluttered, dirty, or otherwise messy environments do have an unsettling effect on the mind... considering there are so many other sources for mental distress... do yourself a favor and head this one off at the pass.  Your meditation practice will thank you for it.  Additionally, if your struggling with intoxicants (as I am), ridding yourself of them is highly advisable.  Store the lighters and glasses away, empty the bottles, put it all out of sight, out of mind.  I've also began a shrine (my girlfriend was an awesome help here, giving me a Buddha statue and incense holder for xmas)... I've got it set up directly in front of where I meditate.  Now, not to derail the Dhamma talk with household stuff... but in addition to focusing on mindfulness, I'm going to be making great strides towards health as well.  A healthy body facilitates a clear mind... and my biggest issue is what I put in my body (far too much fast/unhealthy food)... so I'm cleaning up my diet and beginning an exercise program.  All of this is in an effort to lay the foundation for mindfulness... set myself up for success and whatnot.

Well, that's it for now... 'til next time.

Big Time Metta,

UA

Fairweather friends (and new year's resolutions)

Well... this blog and I.  Or maybe it's "bad weather friends".  Regardless, I haven't approached it with the consistency originally intended...  but thankfully, it's here for me when I need it.  Now is one of those times, with the year wrapping up, and a new one approaching... I find myself reflecting on where I am, and where I want to be.  This year, at least from a "spiritual" perspective, I can't say that I'm all that pleased with the results of that assessment.  The biggest culprit being my use of intoxicants... which could be easily reigned in were I to establish and uphold a regular meditation practice.  Long story short, I'm seeing a great need for that in my life (and the resulting mindfulness).  I know resolutions will be coming out of the woodwork the next few days... so I'm going to jump on that bandwagon and resolve to meditate for at least 15min daily for 2014.  I encourage any and all of my readers to do the same, as it will undoubtedly benefit us all positively.

Well that's it for now.

Maha Metta,

UA

Sooo....

I've reviewed my blog posts... and I see a whole lotta "I'm gonna do this or that" which never came to fruition.  In the interest of keeping this blog true to it's purpose, and Buddhism in general... I'm going to shift my writing (from future) to the present...  at least to the best of my ability.  I'm thinking this will mean smaller more frequent posts.  But we'll see how it goes.  What's going on in the present... like now?  Well, as of this morning I've began a concerted effort on keeping the 5th (no not amendment, but precept) which has to do with abstaining from intoxicants.  One of the reasons you haven't seen many updates is because I haven't kept this precept well (smoking and drinking), and sadly a lack of effort on upholding a precept means your practice falters (or in my case fades completely).  I'm not going to predict what tomorrow holds for this venture...  but I will say that as of right now, I'm doing well (if not exceptional) with it *grins*

Big time Metta!  UA

Self-guided weekend "retreat'?

Well, haven't said much lately... because there hasn't been much to report on this front.  A little too consumed with this or that "distraction" to devote the requisite effort to my practice.  The saving grace, is that such indiscretion (like all things) must come to an end.  It will always culminate, and one way or another... you'll notice it's time to get back to your practice (or at least I do...).  Usually it's something painful (a death of a loved one, a particularly unenlightened action on your part--read: regret), but then again sometimes its just that ever-present nagging feeling that something is "off", a feeling of disconnect...  that's where I'm at today.  So I've decided to take an "entertainment fast" this weekend.  Basically abstaining from TV, Movies, Games, frivolous reading...  in favor of more time on the meditation cushion, and studying the Dhamma.  Kind of like a mini-mindfulness retreat of sorts.  Not quite taking it to the 10 precept/novice ordination point (read: I can't easily avoid eating after noon, and diddling my little lady *grins*), but I'll strictly adhere to the 5 precepts, and maybe a few more (i.e. high beds, beatification would be easy... as I'm a dude... and I sleep on a futon).  So call it an 6-8 precept weekend *grins*.  As in:

Refrain from killing living things.

Refrain from stealing.

Refrain from unchastity (sensuality, sexuality, lust).

Refrain from lying/incorrect speech.

Refrain from taking intoxicants.

Refrain from taking food at inappropriate times (after noon).

Refrain from singing, dancing, playing music or attending entertainment programs (performances).

Refrain from wearing perfume, cosmetics and garland (decorative accessories).

Refrain from sitting on high chairs and sleeping on luxurious, soft beds. 

Refrain from accepting money? (well I won't be taking any, but certainly can't avoid spending it)

Anyway, there are several reasons I'm doing this.  One, I've been "chasing the dragon" so to speak in regards to intoxicants (drinking/smoking), I've had little discipline with my diet or exercise plans (fast food, blowing off the weights)... I've been too consumed with self gratification in general (tv/movies/games, getting tore down) and it's just not doing me any service.  It's been my experience that a little mindfulness will go a long way to solving such problems, bringing ones life into perspective and what not...  add focus, and a sense of well being.  Both of which I could certainly use a heaping helping of these days.  With any luck... I'll come out of this a little more "connected" with my family, a little more focused on what's important, and just a little bit better person all around...  well that's the goal anyway :P

Expect updates.... Bigtime Metta UA

Ahhh.... compassion--Alternative Title: Buddhist Fly "Swatting" meets parenting

So, outside my townhome are two massive bushes.  I'm not sure of the species, but it's one nature obviously intended to be pollinated by flies.  Hundreds, if not thousands of common house flies swarm these bushes... and recently, the swarm has began migrating into our home.  Last night, the swarm approached 2 dozen.  This presented quite the problem... because for all the precepts I uphold, the first (abstaining from killing) is likely the easiest.  So I devised a plan to evict our unwanted guests... which consisted of a red solo cup, and a very thin/cheap plastic cutting board.  I shooed the flies out of the bedrooms/bathroom (read: corralled them into the main living/dining area)...  turned off the lights, opened the blinds (so as to attract them to the windows).  With the setting sun glaring in, they did just as I hoped and began bouncing off the windows.  I proceeded to trap them (one by one) between my cup and the window... sliding that cutting board under to keep them trapped as I relocated them outside.  I did inadvertently lose (read: squash) two or three early in process (regrettably), but once I mastered the technique, I did save a good 20, which were successfully evicted without harm... leaving our home, once again, free from unwanted guests.  I read online that flies are repelled by basil, so I affixed a few sprigs from my refrigerator to the door knocker (in hopes the indoor swarm will be less, hopefully nonexistent, tonight).  The entire process was less than 30 min effort on my part...  it gave me an opportunity to exercise some compassion... and send the little critters off with metta wishes.  Now, I never intended to write about this (until this morning).  You see, what prompted me to think of it... was getting my toddler in the car (which has been quite the stress factor of late).  Nearly three, and a tad behind developmentally (mainly speech), my toddler has been the poster-child for the "terrible two's" and more specifically tantrums.  One of the primary triggers for these tantrums, is getting in her car seat.  Virtually every morning I prepare for the emotional storm of getting her into that seat.  There is crying, kicking, screaming... she becomes completely unreasonable, and loses all self control.  While I can understand the aversion (a toddler wants to romp around/explore, and being strapped in for a 30 min car ride doesn't facilitate that), to call her reaction excessive would be an understatement... I mean based on her reaction, one would honestly believe, that that car seat meant certain death to her.  To make matters worse, she's recently learned how to unbuckle her safety belt.  You can imagine the safety (and even legal) concerns this would present...  and being met with the pressures of getting to work in a timely fashion,  I'm sad to say patience isn't always a viable option.  Long story short... to keep her in the car seat (and even get her in it to begin with), I've resulted to corporal intervention (read: paddling her pampers).  As a rule, violence is NOT an activity I would choose to engage in (doubly so with regards to my child)... but redirection, reason, distraction, even bribery... have all failed, and (at least at this point) I've yet to find an alternative that works.  The result, I end up forcing her into the seat, and swatting at her if/when she goes to unbuckle her seatbelt.  Now, I remain calm through this process (read: no danger of actually hurting her), but the act is inherently violent, I'm essentially controlling my child through fear and intimidation... which is undeniably wrong (read: bad kamma), but risking her safety (if she unbuckles her seatbelt), my parenting rights (for not legally transporting her), and my livelihood (not making it to work on time)... seem the greater harm in this case.  So, what does this have to do with flies you ask?  Well, it dawned on me, during this morning's toddler drama... that if I can quickly and easily come up with a non-violent solution for relocating a swarm of flies, why can't I come up with one for getting my child into her car seat?  So I'm reaching out to my readership... in hopes that one of you can offer some suggestions. I'll definitely be thinking about it myself, and I wish there was a passage in the tipitaka about this... but sadly, dealing with unreasonable, unruly toddlers isn't something the Buddha offered much advice on.   I'm certain there are parallels to be made... but I've yet to find such a resolution.  Maybe one of you can point me in the right direction?  Maha Metta UA

I'm baaaaack (obviously)

And considering how "off topic" the last two posts were, you can likely guess (and would be correct) UA's made no progress along the path.  That said, I have every intention of picking up where I left off... with the mediation, keeping precepts etc.  Please wish me luck!  Metta to you!  Upasaka Adam

Buddhist movie night...

Recently re-watched a great movie, with strong Buddhist overtones... since Buddhist cinema is so far and few between, I thought I would share.  Title is "A Man from Earth", and I know it's available on Netflix (but I first caught it on Hulu).  Anyway, it's a thought provoking little sci-fi film, very heavy in dialogue (read: don't expect special effects)... but it is chock full of dhamma, and very likely to impress.

An open letter to "Buddhist" extremists

I'll be the first to admit, that I am not  the most savvy when it comes to current events... in fact, I'm an "only read's the headlines" kind of guy.  That said, the headlines associated with Buddhists haven't been particularly favorable of late.  Violence and anti-Muslim sentiment in Myanmar, anti-Christian/Muslim/Hindu sentiment in Sri Lanka, monks setting themselves on fire in protest (of various issues).  All of which, are completely and utterly in direct opposition to the Buddha's teachings.  The Buddha was vehemently and adamantly  opposed to violence in any form, divisiveness, and self mortification.  How is it that such acts are being associated with Buddhism?  Obviously, there are a great many unenlightened Buddhists in the world (myself included)... that act in direct opposition to the teachings we'd see elevated.  But the sad truth is, that such mistakes are counterproductive, both to Buddhism as a religion, and to the individuals enlightenment (karmic repercussions).  I am writing this open letter to urge my fellow Buddhist's to consider such actions, and weigh them against the Buddha's teachings before proceeding (read: a call for mindfulness)... and to send some much needed metta your way!  Maha Metta!!!  UA

Haven't seen you for a while...

So what's been happening with me? Honestly, not a lot on this front. As per my previous post(s), the road to enlightenment has been taking a back seat. I found myself in a period of notable stress, and more than a few road blocks to my goal of regular practice. Read: when the practice is most needed, it's abandoned. Since my last writing, I have made several strides into a healthier lifestyle, cleaning up my diet, and adding exercise... even a little progress in the 'intoxicants' category (namely, cutting back the drinking). So suffice to say, some level of mindfulness has been established. It's my sincere hope that I'll take advantage of this "fairer weather" and make some strides towards establishing that formal daily meditation habit.

Two weeks later...

And little to report on this front (read: more of the same unenlightened, day to day stuff). None of the wat trips came to fruition, sitting has given way to smoke and drink... or simply a little extra rest... pretty much just busy chasing sense pleasure and coping with increased stress levels. Work has become markedly more chaotic, the humanoid typhoon (my toddler) has been ever so challenging... and R&R has been much welcomed alternative to being diligent in mindfulness or higher pursuits. Obviously the task of walking the path remains somewhere in the back of my mind (or I wouldn't be writing here)... but until it's back on the forefront, I'll be on hiatus. Metta, UA

Hahahaha!

So, no sooner than I put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) on those last couple posts... Ajahn Sumedho reaches out (via Twitter) with a virtual (or digital) slap in the face... in the following quote: "I am somebody who has to become something that I am not, and has to get rid of my bad traits, my faults, my defilements... If never we see through that, liberation will be a hopeless task". Irritating grammar aside (I'm pretty sure he practices the Queen's English, so we'll cut him some slack)... that quote is in direct competition with the theme or flavor of my recent writings... and points out some fundamental flaws. Namely a desire to change AND a sense of self... and while I grasp the wisdom and meaning of that quote both conceptually and intellectually... it's not something that I know at my core... it's not something I've directly, and personally experienced... as such, it's not something that I've adopted. That said, I'll definitely be contemplating it... and doing my best to "change direction" so to speak. Thanks Ajahn Sumedho! *grins*

The difficulty of right speech

Okay, from the basis of the 5 precepts... often translated as "abstain from false speech"... (read: don't lie) I'd say I do pretty damn well. BUT, that is an extremely narrow interpretation... in fact, most scholars have translated it as "abstain from incorrect speech" (or something to that effect) a thorough explanation of what the Buddha/Suttas deemed "correct/incorrect speech" can be found here: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-vaca/index.html These are the ideals I hold for the words leaving my mouth, and are quite a bit more complicated than just "don't lie". It calls for us to speak not only what's true, but what's pleasing, what's beneficial, what doesn't cause harm, and calls for the abandonment of idle or otherwise useless talk... (read: by and large, it calls for me to keep my big mouth shut). And, if you've been reading this blog... (and you're not a complete moron) you've probably picked up on the fact that I LLLLOOOOOVVVEEE to hear myself talk (or at least type) *grins* I would take it so far as to say that only a mute, a saint, or an enlightened one would perfectly uphold this 4th precept... but that doesn't stop me from trying. In fact, a concept I learned in automotive consulting comes to mind... and that's Kaizen, which is a Japanese term that translates into "continuous improvement"... it has multiple implications, but in my experience, was often applied to ever-present problems... one's that come with an acceptable margin of error (i.e. defects in an extremely complicated process). Basically, it calls for acceptance of the fact that perfection isn't possible at this time... BUT improvement is, and furthermore, improvement is expected (in the instance of the companies I've dealt with, likely demanded). I'm sure the right person could hear "try" or simply "do better" in regards to upholding the 4th precept... sadly, such simplicity is lost on me... I like it complicated, to systematically examine the holy hell out of everything... to think about it... and then think some more... questioning is in my nature, as is finding clear, concise (and woefully complicated) answers *grins* So the 4th Precept = Kaizen in my book *nods* AND... the same could be said for all the other precepts, mindfulness, walking the 8 fold path, understanding the 4 noble truths... well... Buddhism in general. KAIZEN!

More of the same...

Last night was spent re-cooperating from Sunday's festivities... caught a couple tv shows, relaxed... blah, blah, blah. Long story short, 3 days under my belt without meditation. Hope to break that streak tonight. I am still making some efforts towards sila and mindfulness... but much of the same to report there too. "Right speech" remains the biggest challenge, but overall sila is solid... mindfulness still comes much easier under low stress conditions. Both yesterday and today there has been a noticeable "clouding" of the mind... fallout from breaking the 5th I'm sure, likely compounded by lack of efforts in meditation too. Kinda like two steps forward and one step back... there's a song about that, right? As I've said, it'll be my aim to get back on track with the meditation tonight... I'll likely go for refuge in the Sangha (read: visit the wat) in the near future (at some point before this week is out). Maybe formally taking the 5 precepts (from one of the monks) will help me keep to them a little more closely... again, I don't put a lot of stock in puja... but, hey... it certainly doesn't hurt. Overall, a bit jaded today... but stumbling (and coming to terms with it) isn't the most pleasant experience... and to compound matters it's been a fairly stressful day in the office... hopefully I can turn it into an opportunity to see Dukkha and it's nature... but we'll see if I'm wise enough for that *winks* Metta! UA

Progress(ing away from the path)

Sitting session 5 went off without a hitch Friday night, but as the title implies... the rest of the weekend wasn't so good for progress. Sat & Sun were devoted almost entirely to chasing sense pleasures (junk food, tv shows, music, movies, surfing the web... okay porn *grins*) and for my coup de grace last night, I drank to the point of vomiting AND revisited the old smoking habit... and quite enjoyed all of it... fully knowing it was getting me no closer to my goal. It brings to mind a quote a picked up in Catholic school "Lord, Give me chastity and continence, but don't give it to me yet" - Saint Augustine. So does this mean I've abandoned the path? Hardly... I'll follow that up with another quote for wow fans... "it was merely a setback" - Kael'thas Sunstrider *grins* I will be dusting myself off and starting again. It also calls to question, is the middle way relative to one's personal experience? I mean, the Buddha surely knew a life of excess as a prince, but he began the middle path from a point of extreme asceticism... not knowing such self-torment is the middle path he walked a little too close to the "string being too tight" side for me, and did it in essence "snap" this weekend? I know "gradual" is a prevailing theme in the teachings so even if that isn't the case, maybe it was just too much too fast... or is it likely I'm lacking some fundamental element of Right View/Understanding? Regardless of the cause, difficulty is to be expected... I mean if it were easy, everyone would be enlightened, right? Maha Metta! UA

Not a lot to say... today

Shocking, right? Well... managed sitting session #4... had plenty of time last night, so I took a slightly different approach--instead of setting an alarm to end the session, I just started a stopwatch and decided to let my meditation decide when I was through (17min and 45 sec). All in all, my success with sila holds (and is improving)... and despite being sick I still find myself with a strong mind. Going into the weekend, it is my hope to step the meditation up to twice daily... adding a morning session to the routine. Not sure if this will stick... historically morning sitting (through the week) doesn't go so well for two reasons... 1.) discipline, all too often the snooze button is very welcomed in the am, and 2.) distraction... first thing in the morning, my mind gravitates from the breath to whatever is on my To-Do-List that day (work, what I'll be wearing/eating, etc)... all the more reason to strive for it but I'm not going to make it mandatory just yet. Metta UA

Good golly, it's Pali!

Reading my previous post, I can't help but notice the heavy use of Pali terms. I apologize if this is confusing or off-putting to those who are unfamiliar... I don't do it to showcase my linguistic talent for ancient languages, but because I've incorporated these words into my vocabulary. Often times they represent concepts to which there is no easy English parallel, or direct translation. As they first appear, I will try to give a synonym or brief description that fits the context of my writing... but several of these concepts warrant volumes to fully explain, so my efforts will likely fall short... I would encourage further investigation for deeper understanding. Two great sources to do this would be: www.accesstoinsight.org and http://dsal.uchicago.edu/dictionaries/pali/

Three's an auspicious number right?

I mean, there's the Buddha/Dhamma/Sangha, there's Sila/Samadhi/Pannya, there's several good trilogies (Star Wars, LOTOR), even the holy trinity for our Christian friends... *grins* Too bad I'm not in the slightest bit superstitious (or faithful for that matter). That said, last night marked 3 days of consecutive meditation practice on my part... it's been longer than I'd like to admit since I've been able to say that... so celebrating the small victories today. To that aim, I'm happy to report the back pain has fallen off quite a bit, don't get me wrong... a 200lb man, with limited flexibility, that's not accustomed to sitting on the floor (read: addicted to high chairs)... is going to be uncomfortable after a fairly short period of time sitting in the half-lotus position... but nice to see the tolerance for it is building rather quickly. Well, that's probably enough about back aches *grins*... now let's move on to belly aching, or more concisely throat/sinus/sickness related belly aching. That's right, that cold or whatever I've been fighting has taken hold... and it comes as no surprise (even for a guy that's rarely sick). My favorite Pali chant reminds me that this is part of the human experience. That chant, is on a very short list (maybe just the one) that I actually know the translation/meaning of in it's entirety... it takes chanting a step beyond puja (verneration) for me... and reminds that there's more than just illness to contend with in samsara (cycle of life)... Anyway, I think it's only fitting to close with so here's the Five Subjects for Frequent Recollection for benefit of myself and readers alike: Jarā-dhammomhi jaraṃ anatīto. I am subject to aging. Aging is unavoidable. Byādhi-dhammomhi byādhiṃ anatīto. I am subject to illness. Illness is unavoidable. Maraṇa-dhammomhi maraṇaṃ anatīto. I am subject to death. Death is unavoidable. Sabbehi me piyehi manāpehi nānā-bhāvo vinā-bhāvo. I will grow different, separate from all that is dear & appealing to me. Kammassakomhi kamma-dāyādo kamma-yoni kamma-bandhu kamma-paṭisaraṇo. I am the owner of my actions, heir to my actions, born of my actions, related through my actions, and live dependent on my actions. Yaṃ kammaṃ karissāmi kalyāṇaṃ vā pāpakaṃ vā tassa dāyādo bhavissāmi. Whatever I do, for good or for evil, to that will I fall heir. Evaṃ amhehi abhiṇhaṃ paccavekkhitabbaṃ. We should often reflect on this. Metta UA

Wat What? Wat

I did promise more info about the Wat. Wat, is a common SE Asian term for temple... and likely one of the more common venues for Theravada Buddhism in your area. Typically home to one or more monks/bhikkus/bhantes/ajahns... chances are you'll find help for your practice there. With a little help from the internet (namely buddhanet's directory) I found a local Wat back in my early twenties... after reading various books, and practicing on my own, I felt the need to incorporate a teacher in my practice, and it seemed the logical place to start. Sure enough, I was fortunate enough to find my teacher, Prah Ajahn Suriyan, there. A disciple of Luang Ta Maha Boowa (a very popular master of the Thai Forest Tradition) Ajahn Suriyan is the gentle type... and at the time of our meeting had an extremely limited grasp of the English language, which oddly enough didn't pose as much of a challenge as you might think... in fact, it may have even been an asset... as many of my questions were met with a simple knowing smile... encouraging me to seek answers from within. Through patience, compassion and tons of metta (and a little help from pocket translators, and ESL efforts from yours truly), the Wat and Ajahn Suriyan have been the most import factors to my practice (aside from the Buddha/Dhamma, of course). He and other monks from the wat fostered my interest in Buddhism and meditation... offering retreats, instruction, countless Dhamma books/tapes, opportunity for ordination into the sangha, tools (such as the mala I use today)... and most importantly, a sterling example in behavior, and in practice. Ajahn Suriyan is now abbot of Wat Buddhasamakidham (www.watbsd.com) in southeast Columbus, Ohio. Where he and two other monks (another Thai, and a Tibetan Lama), serve the local community.

Following up that *sigh*...

Well, I took my own advice and broke out the mala beads once my little one was in bed... 108 metta wishes later, I was back in a good place. Managed to devote the remainder of the evening to dhamma, and ended it with a solid sitting session (so two days under my belt in that goal). None the less, I was still fairly excitable this morning... didn't want to get out of bed, or the shower, or spend the hour getting my little girl to day care... plenty of aversion, but once all the deeds were done, I was able to notice it and let it go (read: not long before sitting down to write this). Addmitadly, there are a few contributing causes to the recent agitation... quitting smoking, combatting a cold, and less than adequate rest... so I guess to some degree, it's been a dependant origination teacher. Even so, mindfulness is still taking a backseat in times of stress... and I see two important things as a result... 1.) there is room for improvement in mindfulness, and 2.) there is desire for improvement... Long story short, I've still got a very long way to go *grins* Major Metta! UA

*sigh*

A night with my toddler has certainly tested my patience...  Namely after spending the weekend tidying up my living space... combating the messes she makes (eating, bathing, etc).  Not easy to remain compassionate when Annie the stampede (aka the humanoid typhoon) is undoing all my hard work.  I was able to keep it from manifesting in outward anger for the most part (may have let a few choice expletives fly... but not the full on tirade that was bubbling up).  Anyway, a few buddhos are in order... or maybe a quick Metta meditation before watching the breath...

After nearly a decade... why now?

Referring back to my intro post, I mentioned being a Buddhist for nearly a decade... and several times floundering along the path. Why, after hearing the dhamma, did it take me so long to put into action (or more importantly, once enacted, why did I backslide?)... to this, I simply answer fear. I have been, and still am, afraid of embracing the dhamma because I've seen it change me... and I inherently know, that some of that change will be irreversible. At some point in that path, whether near or far, I will pass a point of no return... and that is absolutely, fucking horrifying. Don't get me wrong, the prospect of abandoning dukkha is quite enticing... but knowing it means detachment from the lesser happiness as well i.e. laziness, chasing sense pleasures (sex, intoxication, a good movie/book)--many the primary sources of joy in my life... creates a fear... fear born of clinging and desire... the perfect illustration of dukkha in and of itself. This has been, and remains my greatest obstacle in the path... the primary reason "jumping in with both feet" has been so difficult... Fear.

Another progress report, and question

So... very frequent with the updates out of the gate, don't know if that's likely to continue... but I guess there is much to be said about the changes in the mind and development of new habits as one increases effort along the path. First and foremost, I did manage to meditate last night... a little over 20 min (formal sitting), overall a very positive experience. Several momentary absorptions, little to no issue calming the mind, a fair amount of physical discomfort in the back (likely due to posture... but given my recent infrequency in this pursuit, it follows that my body will require some adjustment), and of course those ever present pins and needles... I can't remember a session longer than 10 min where my legs didn't fall asleep... usually takes me a few minutes to feel confident enough to stand... I suspect it's a matter of anatomy, and at worst, it's a minor annoyance, and in most cases an easy target for mindfulness following my session. There was a brightness of the mind following... so much so, that I continued watching the breath once I laid down to sleep... and continued until drowsiness took hold. Maintaining sila went very well yesterday too (at least to the point that my current level of mindfulness would catch), only one notable slip and it was quickly corrected... but still worth mentioning. It was a matter of food given to me by my father (some frozen ham), he wanted to know if I had used any, and I started to tell him recent meal that it could have been used in (some beans), but in reality I had used a hamhock... almost as soon as the fallacy was uttered, I corrected it... and while the volition wasn't to deceive, but rather to make him feel his gift was going to good use... it was still a far cry from skillful speech. I wonder, if the same question was put to me today (after meditating last night), would I still be tempted to placate with a wrong answer? I think the answer is yes, I would at least be tempted, but hopefully mindful enough that the thought wouldn't become speech. It will be interesting to see how this progresses. Of course, if my sila were put under a microscope by someone more skillful than myself, several other points for improvement could be pointed out... again with the idle chatter, maybe some degree of taking what isn't given (again with distraction at work... but I think it was much closer yesterday to the scope of breaks given by my employer than in the past... and I hope to see even more improvement in this area)... and of course, the question of intoxicants. I just recently quit smoking, and have for some time used smokeless tobacco either exclusively or in addition to smoking. Now, there is no question that it's harmful (even if it's much less harmful than cigarettes)... so in some regard, there is unwholesome kamma, but is it an intoxicant? From where I sit (read: upwards of 15 years of nicotine use)... I'd say no, it doesn't dull the mind... but seeing as it's been so long since I've been a non-user, that would certainly be relative to my experience. Google searching has yet to offer a definitive answer (though most I've seen agree with my stance) so I thought I'd poll the opinions of readers. So, what do you think? Is tobacco a violation of the 5th precept? Regardless of the answers, my intent will be to abandon it (like any addiction), but I will say that I doubt it's in the foreseeable future... reducing my intake on the other hand... I hope to begin in the next few weeks... AFTER I've let go of my craving for the cancer sticks. Big time metta! UA

Happy Magha Puja!!!

As we're literally minutes from the cresting of the full moon, I feel it appropriate to make note of a special holiday. I know different traditions celebrate at different times, but many of the Thai (a major influence in my practice) are observing it today (or even over last weekend). I'm not going to go to great lengths to explain the significance of the holiday (google will certainly do a better job than I could)... but I will give a little glimpse into what it means to me. Namely, an opportunity to appreciate the Buddha and the Sangha... and the wonderful gift of Dhamma they shared and continue to share with us. So *bows* *bows* *bows* humbly to that aim... and thanks for bringing your light into this world. Metta!

Progress (and failings) and the middle way

So my last two posts detailed my lofty goals and how I intend to achieve them. This one (and most of those to follow) will serve as a progress report of sorts and how it relates to the middle way. I'll start by saying I'm still much closer to a life of excess (in all things) than the middle way--and a very VERY long way from anything like self-mortification/denial. I have yet to establish the daily meditation practice previously mentioned (which will be my primary goal between now and next writing). In fact, I've only sat once since then, very briefly (less than 10 min) on Saturday during a visit to my wat or temple. For locals reading, you can find more info (and excellent teachers, in my opinion) at www.watbsd.com--more on this subject to come in a later post. Regarding the precepts; proper speech and refraining from intoxicants seem to be my biggest challenge (as predicted). On the former, mainly idle chatter (sharing opinions etc) and the latter, drinking a couple beers after my return trip from the wat. Now I will say that I kept the drinking to two beers (for a 200lb man), so I was far from intoxicated, but I did imbibe none the less... and my goal is complete abstinence. Now I'm not worked up about any of this, or confessing a guilty conscience... I know this is a process, and mistakes are bound to happen, any such sentiments would be counterproductive... clinging is clinging, same for desire--even if it is for improvement. As such, I am fairly proficient at exercising compassion for myself. That said, I believe documenting such events is an important part of the process and will be a measure of progress as this experiment continues. Obviously the same applies to success or forward movement along the path... which there has been plenty of as well. Simply making it to the wat, being in the presence of monks (or any people who practice) is a major support... so I'll call that a win. Additionally, I've spent a few hours listening to Dhamma talks--namely Ajahn Brahm, if you're unfamiliar there are many on youtube (likely 100+ hrs), and he's often quite enjoyable. My mindfulness is improving... and with it productivity, and peace of mind (spelling intended *grins*). And while I haven't done any formal breath meditation, I have managed a little samatha (or calming/concentration) meditation... another method for stilling the mind, there are various methods, but taking up the mantra "Buddho" is the one I've adopted. I often use it before falling asleep, or when my mind is especially agitated (i.e. angry, bored, restless)... I've been known to use it in conjunction with a mala (Buddhist rosary) as well. If any of this strikes a chord, your feedback is most welcomed. Until next time, major Metta! Upasaka Adam

My practice

So the last post told my aim, and a little about why I'm doing it... now let's look at how. At the bare minimum I will aim to uphold the 5 precepts, foster mindfulness, and meditate at least 15 min daily. More specifically, upholding the 5 precepts means abstinence from; killing (or physical harm), wrong speech (lying, hurtful, idle or divisive speech), theft (or taking what is not expressly given), sexual misconduct, and the use of intoxicants... these are the basic moral guidelines the Buddha set forth for a happy household life. By imposing these precepts on myself, at the very least I'll be upholding a blameless life... and if one hopes to be happy, the first step must be to stop creating unhappiness for yourself and others... I believe these guidelines lay a solid foundation for just that. I've read that stream entry, or the first stage of enlightenment, is characterized by an inability to break these precepts... needless to say, I've got a long way to go. Now, I'm no murderer or adulterer... rarely do I find myself with any malicious intent... but I was intoxicated just last night... I frequently let my attention slip to the internet or other thoughts while at work (read: essentially stealing a portion of my salary), and inappropriate speech... that in and of itself seems as lofty a goal as Nibanna at this point... abstaining from idle chatter, what I like to think of as "artful dodging" (read: a true, but misleading or inappropriate answer/statement)... getting these under control is going to be a challenge to say the least... but none the less, my aim is to accomplish just that. Fostering mindfulness will be of great help here... and by fostering mindfulness, I mean paying attention... to thoughts, acts, and deeds... before, during and after they manifest. I'm sure to catch myself slipping on sila, but by paying attention, it's my hope that they will gradually become less frequent... by noticing these faults, and forgiving my shortcomings... and making it a point not to repeat them... I will strive to perfect sila. Last but not least, daily meditation, vipassana, or ananpasati bhavana (mindfulness of breathing meditation). Hands down the cornerstone of my practice... meditating is like intensive training for the mindfulness muscle. By watching the breath, I see the nature of the mind, I strengthen my ability to watch it... I find calm, peace, and joy... that bubbles out of my meditation session into everyday life. As someone who has spent a great deal of time meditating, I know the benefits... the strength of mind, the clarity that manifests from regular practice... and that's exactly what I will rely upon to succeed in the otherwise imposing tasks of maintaining sila and mindfulness in everyday life.

Introductory Post

Hello and welcome to anyone reading! This blog is dedicated to my search of truth and happiness as it relates to following the Buddha's teachings. I have been a Theravada Buddhist for nearly a decade, experimenting with meditation, mindfulness, morality, and basically every aspect of the Eight Fold Path. That said, I've floundered quite a bit, strayed as I allowed myself to be lured deeper into the household life. I've pursued all the various pleasures and distractions of life... only to find them wanting. According to the Buddha, even householders are capable of achieving enlightenment... through further investigation, and practice I plan to make a concerted effort to do just that. Admittedly, the attainment of Nibbana is a lofty goal... but of all my existential searching, my misguided attempts at happiness, and my dabblings in Buddhism to date... I undoubtedly know that failing to attempt such a feat would be a waste of my remaining life. How do I know this? By my success in the path to date. By the happiness I've found in sila, by the states concentration I've reached through meditation, the power I've found in mindfulness... the truth I've seen... it's been just enough to give me a taste of what's possible... a lasting, unshakable happiness... universal knowledge... bliss. It is my sincere hope that this blog will serve as means to support my efforts, and as a source of Dhamma for myself and others. I will update it as pertinent information comes to light... sharing Dhamma that aids me, be it through other sources or self-discovery. I ask that anyone reading this keep in mind, I am not a definitive source (and arguably not even a good one)... these are simply the documentations of my own personal experience, make sure to test and weigh my findings against your own personal experience before accepting any truth to them... just like the Buddha urged us to some 2500+ yrs ago. The following are a few links that have greatly aided my search... I hope you find them useful: www.accesstoinsight.org A self guided tour of Theravada Buddhism and the Pali Cannon, one of the webs largest resources of the Buddha’s teachings presented in there original form (Suttas of the Pali Cannon). www.buddhanet.net Videos, articles, e-books, and a world directory of Buddhist Centers http://www.dhammasukha.org/Study/Talks/Transcripts/MN-118-U-TS.htm An excellent meditation guide for beginners and experts alike, detailing the Buddha’s instruction for mindfulness of breathing meditation.