After nearly a decade... why now?

Referring back to my intro post, I mentioned being a Buddhist for nearly a decade... and several times floundering along the path. Why, after hearing the dhamma, did it take me so long to put into action (or more importantly, once enacted, why did I backslide?)... to this, I simply answer fear. I have been, and still am, afraid of embracing the dhamma because I've seen it change me... and I inherently know, that some of that change will be irreversible. At some point in that path, whether near or far, I will pass a point of no return... and that is absolutely, fucking horrifying. Don't get me wrong, the prospect of abandoning dukkha is quite enticing... but knowing it means detachment from the lesser happiness as well i.e. laziness, chasing sense pleasures (sex, intoxication, a good movie/book)--many the primary sources of joy in my life... creates a fear... fear born of clinging and desire... the perfect illustration of dukkha in and of itself. This has been, and remains my greatest obstacle in the path... the primary reason "jumping in with both feet" has been so difficult... Fear.